im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
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there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You ruined the universe
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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