he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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