wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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