I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
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I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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