im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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