I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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