Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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