Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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