Me. At least after what I've been through.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
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i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
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Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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