dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
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I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
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If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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