You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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