i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize