So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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