: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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