This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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