This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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