can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
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Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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