i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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