I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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