you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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