just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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