Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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