their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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