my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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