giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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