They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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