I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize