My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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