I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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