lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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