i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
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she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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