the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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