Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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