All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize