Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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