I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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