You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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