no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize