the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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