dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How naked do you want me to be?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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