the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize