So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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