im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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