I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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