Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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