Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize