Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning

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(480): I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning http://tfl.nu/5v1w

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

First class.

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(609): Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass. (1-609): First class. http://tfl.nu/3mby

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.

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(856): I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good. http://tfl.nu/o2i1

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(310): View more from California

i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets

(818): View more from California

julia child would be proud.

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(310): i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets (818): julia child would be proud. http://tfl.nu/gv9u

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(209): View more from California

I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.

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(209): I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car. http://tfl.nu/v5pu

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(660): View more from Missouri

i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.

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(660): i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again. http://tfl.nu/1pik

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(619): View more from California

You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything

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(619): You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything http://tfl.nu/13bs

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(587): View more from Alberta

the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"

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(587): the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away" http://tfl.nu/q751

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him

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(612): I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him http://tfl.nu/slwx

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(914): View more from New York

I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%

(1-914): View more from New York

He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal

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(914): I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85% (1-914): He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal http://tfl.nu/wtvm

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(518): View more from New York

I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.

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(518): I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it. http://tfl.nu/z92x

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(361): View more from Texas

Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.

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(361): Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again. http://tfl.nu/uwik

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(515): View more from Iowa

So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?

(1-515): View more from Iowa

Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....

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(515): So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night? (1-515): Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something .... http://tfl.nu/8iom

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(315): View more from New York

you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.

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(315): you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/5ljo

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(813): View more from Florida

I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass

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(813): I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass http://tfl.nu/xapu

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