my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have post one night stand depression
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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