No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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