I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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